A Life Changing Experience

To some women, it comes naturally. To others, it’s a struggle. Some women will never experience it at all. No, I’m not talking about mind-blowing multiple orgasms of epic proportions that cause full body tremors for several minutes and leave you weak, sweaty and unable to utter more than monosyllabic sounds….wait, what was I talking about…? I seriously need a boyfriend…. Oh yeah, I am talking about MOTHERHOOD.

I’ll be the first to admit it – motherhood did not come natural to me. I never planned on having children, nor do I have a maternal bone in my body. Somewhere into the first year of marriage – the honeymoon phase – I changed my mind about having a child. Prior to that, I had never given much thought to motherhood, and all that it entails. I was clueless. Overachiever that I was, I was pretty much able to tackle any challenge that I was presented with in the past, so I didn’t think this would be any different. How I laugh at my naive, young self now – HAHAHA, you silly girl!

I have seen women, like my very good friend Desha, or my next door neighbor Ronni, who are at total ease around children. Little kidlets, toddlers, babies, newborns - even the ones that scream, kick and bite – they seem to know instinctively how to be around them. And the children in turn, seem to be drawn to them. I am in AWE of women like them and have mad respect for their magical, Pied Piper-like powers. Some people just ‘have it’. I had to really, really work at it.

As an adult, I had made life pretty easy for myself. I was a career bartender, so all my friends were in the nightclub industry. We worked nights and slept days. It wasn’t out of the ordinary to just take off to the Keys, Bahamas, or Disneyworld on a moments notice. I also took way too much pleasure in driving manual transmission sports cars and kept a minimalistic, little clutter-free apartment done in monotone, with lots of sharp edges.

Becoming a mother for me was the most life-changing and HUMBLING experience. For the first time in my life, I actually had to work. It was a job that I had no idea how to do, no training in, and the hours were 24/7. There was no punching out when the shift is over. No five minute coffee breaks. A five minute shower was a luxury. At the age of thirty-four, I finally had to be a grown-up.

When you think of taking care of a baby, the things that come to mind are the obvious – changing diapers, feeding, bathing, etc. What I didn’t realize was the emotional and mental part. I was now responsible for another human – FOREVER. This helpless little baby is completely dependant on me. I have to do all of her thinking, anticipate all of her needs, research things regarding her future. The realization hit me like a ton of bricks, along with the loss of independance that I had become so accustomed to. What did i get myself into? This is a FOREVER gig. I was scared shitless.

I honestly don’t know how I made it through the first month. Or the first year, for that matter.  I just know that it did get easier as time went on. Multi-tasking had been taken to a whole new level, as well as time-management. And sleep? Bah – it’s overrated. Five hours became more than sufficient. 

My daughter turns six next month.  I now drive an SUV (with a 5.7 litre V8, of course). My living room looks more like a daycare center. I can name at least thirty different Pokemon and do a decent imitation of Squidward from Spongebob . I even still remember most of the lyrics (okay, and the dances, too!) to the Wiggles that she enjoyed so much as a toddler. I have a newfound appreciation for peace and quiet, and also for my own mother.

Yep, I’m a Mom. I might never have the natural maternal instinct like Desha or Ronni. In fact, other people’s children still make me nervous. However, I have accepted that my priorties have changed and I have learned to pick and choose my battles. Things don’t always go as planned, but I have learned not to sweat the little things. It may have taken me awhile to get adjusted, but my daughter is now my best little girlfriend and I am her hero. I know it because I see it in her eyes everytime she looks at me. Besides, she told me so. 

Jade’s Mommy

                      

*update 7/18/2008*  BREAKING NEWS!!!! We’ve added something new! Check out my DAILY PHOTO JOURNAL! I’ll be shooting and uploading new pictures everyday – random stuff, self-taken timer pics, candids, things of interest… (you know how us Asians are about taking pictures!). Along with this being good photography practice for myself, you can now catch a glimpse into my day-to-day life…A Day In The Life Of… as seen through the lens of my camera …click here to get to Lil’ Miss Chris *PHOTO JOURNAL* .. http://afitnessconnection.wordpress.com/    

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~ by lilmisschris on June 30, 2008.