Time Happened, He Said

9.01.2008

Chapters. The end of one chapter signifies the beginning of a new chapter. How’s that for an enigmatic opening?

Since I began writing, I’ve been an open book. Anyone who has followed my weblog knows that. Sharing my experiences has been very therapeutic and has also provided me with a way to step back and see how far I have progressed and healed during the most emotionally fucked up year in my life thus far. Sorry for the potty mouth. If I spelled it with a ‘ph’, would it still be considered the “F” word? If I were a cricket with insomnia, would I chirp during the day? …what the phuck am I talking about?…

Anyhow, as I sat on the plane ride to Cleveland this weekend, I thought about my upcoming birthday and how I spent my summer. On one hand, I can’t believe September is already upon us. On the other hand, it took too f*cking long to get here.

                                

Time. That was the answer I was given when I posed the question, “What happened that made you change your mind?”

“Time. Time happened.”

Somebody find me a Delorean equipped with a Flux Capacitor so I can travel back in time. Hello? McFly? Doc Brown?

                              

Time happened. Fair enough answer. I suppose the saying “time flies when you’re having fun” had to come from somewhere. So if you’re not having any fun, then it’s safe to say that time travels at the pace of a three legged turtle high on morphine?

I spent the majority of the summer dieting and training for a competition. I began dieting around the beginning of June. So basically, for me, time froze at the beginning of summertime. The last fun, socializing, and going out I did was sometime in early June. (see  http://lilmisschris.wordpress.com/2008/06/23/so-it-begins-six-weeks-out/ ). The memory of the last bit of fun, socializing and going out was what I held onto during the long summer of training, while counting down the weeks until I could go out and live a normal life again. I made no new memories to override the old ones. Memories of May/June remained fresh in my head as if they were just yesterday. Time didn’t happen for me.

Well, just as people do not read at the same speed, the beginning and ending of chapters in people’s lives aren’t always going to coincide. Hence the term, “We’re just not on the same page.” I can only control my own pages, and sometimes not even. Such is fate. Shit happens. It is what it is. Que sera, sera… and every other damn cliche’ that applies. Time happened.

The chapter of my summer has come to a close. I knew it had to end eventually, but I wasn’t ready for it to end just yet, and not this way. You just couldn’t hang on for two more weeks, could you …? I had the ending all written out in my head, but my ending involved two people, and I can only write my own story. Sometimes not even. Such is fate, shit happens - time happened.

And so I will close my eyes and make a wish… imagining one last time that you were here to help me blow out my candles….

                                                                  

                

                                                                    … happy birthday to me.  

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~ by lilmisschris on September 1, 2008.